People say, forgive and forget.
To me, it is easier said than done.
I was in a very bad shape exactly two months ago. I remember asking my friend will I ever get over this thing I was in. Now, I gotta say, so far so good :) However, from time to time, I get these waves of regret, embarrassment and episodic periods of uncontrollable emotions. Tears come and go, heart aches too hard I couldn't breathe sometimes. Over the frame of these two months, I learned to pick myself up, clear my head focus on the people who loves me. Earlier during that period, I often became sceptical and very careful with what I say or do because I want to please people, I want to be loved by everyone. Somehow doing that made me lose myself, so I improvised. I learned to be more flexible, love myself first and appreciate the personalities I have because only then, I realized that there are so many people around me, loving me even when I am being my silly self :) Thanks to my wonderful friends and family, I feel more like myself now in a very long time.
Being away from everything familiar during that difficult part of my life, I just had to be tough. I had to take care of myself. Somehow that helped a lot too. Being in Cork with my bestfriends, studying, meeting new people and stuff, got me occupied. Took my mind off of it for a lil while. The hardest part was getting into bed. When the lights were turned off and all I could hear was just my heartbeats. I am the kind of person whom often get too emotional when I reminisce about something hihi Silly me. :P But then again, eventually, things get old. I can't let myself get stuck in that situation for too long, I love myself too much to allow it.
A month from now, I'll be having my first exam in medicine second year! Gotta step it up, nerdy mode on! :) I am learning about Neuroanatomy currently. It is really interesting, really really! I am so excited to learn how the brain works so that I could find an explanation about my over-active emotional side haha Then I found out that, the memory part in the brain is connected to the emotion part and their sizes differ from an individual to another. So, whenever I remember something, like a song that has memories attached to it, my brain will trigger that particular part storing that particular memories and send signals to my emotion part, hence the tears. Once I knew that, I train myself to be less emotional to anything that could make me sad or cry because now I know that's just my brain trying to do their job :P Someone wise once said 'Tu perasaan cik kak, perasaan boleh kawal' hahah
People move on, people come and go but never take for granted the ones that has potential to stay in your live for a long time. Some friends are truly heaven sent. They'll do anything to lighten up your day. Familywise, in my opinion they should always come first, before anyone else. Remember, remember, remember! :) However, the number one healer of hearts is God. No matter how hard you tried to heal your heart, if you don't have faith that God is the one holding your heart, He is the one to make you feel better, there's no use. You will relapse eventually. Only God's love could help us be stronger each and everyday.
Amazingly, when you let go of the things that has been holding you back, you'll feel good. I had a rough time before the good times come. Well, it's always darkest before the dawn right? :) Not just that, you start to get new chances to make new memories, you will have more space in your heart to love again, you appreciate more, you'll just simply feel good. So, I am thankful to the bitter-sweet event two months ago and the precious memories prior to that, for making me become more myself, separating what I want from what I need and move on with my life.
I hope I helped someone with this post.
Wallahualam :)
On the fun side, I have a few movies to reccommend!!
You guys should really watch these
* 29 februari
* Aku, Dia dan Tong Sampah
* Sinister
* The Possesion
Till then, much love from me to ya! xoxo
P/S: SPECIAL SHOUTOUT TO MY LOVELY FAMILY & BESTFRIENDS!! Thanks for the s3!!! I bring it everywhere, use it all the time and love it like its my baby!
Awesome people : Mama, Apit, Kak Yana, Kak Farra, Abg Amir, Belly, Biha! :D
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